I would like to start this post by dedicating it to my sister. After many fruitless attempts to win me over, I finally get it. I finally understand the point of Feminism. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been outright against it, but I just never really cared before.
I thought it was just a bunch of bra-burning cranky hippies kicking up a fuss for no real reason, because women can vote, right? Yes. Women can be world leaders? Yes. Women can have a successful career and a family? Yes. But then I realised something: yes may be the answer to these questions in theory, but in reality, the answer is still very often no. We have grown and achieved so much over the years, but there is still so much to do.
My attitude change started with reading Caitlin Moran’s ‘How To Be a Woman’ last year. It got me thinking about a few things, namely how I perceive myself as a woman. I was 18 when I read it, and though i’m only a few months older now, I began to question things: my relationship with my body and mind, my opinions, my morals, my beliefs. In short, everything that makes a person a person, and moreover, everything that makes a woman a woman. I began to appreciate just what the female sex is capable of, both physically and mentally.
Last night, I was lucky enough to go a talk by author, critic and activist Naomi Wolf at the Southbank Centre’s Women of the World Festival 2013. The discussion, led by Jude Kelly, Southbank’s Artistic Director, was entitled ‘Vagina: A New Biography’. It focused on Wolf’s new book, by the same title, and featured topics such as rape, pornography and feminine pleasure and sensuality. I’d never actually heard of her before, but found the talk invigorating and inspiring. She spoke openly and, when appropriate, with great humour, about these controversial themes. I was surprised by the amount of scientific evidence she integrated, and am avidly awaiting the arrival of this book and ‘The Beauty Myth’ through my letter box so I can find out more. There was an easy and comfortable atmosphere throughout the talk, and the audience (featuring both women and men) were encouraged to participate through a Q&A session at the end. I think it’s so important that people aren’t afraid to talk about things; we’re taught that certain aspects of our bodies or mental health, for example, are taboo and therefore shouldn’t be addressed. This kind of shame and embarrassment seems to have sadly become an innate part of society. Instead of celebrating our achievements, we find flaws and faults. Women, in particular, let themselves be consumed by the pressure to be perfect, whether in terms of appearance, relationships or career.
The root of the problem, I believe, is embedded in the earth of society. The education system, as Wolf noted, lacks proper sex education, whilst the media bombards us with highly sexualised and unrealistic images of the body. Children are being exposed to this kind of pressure at an increasingly earlier age, drastically impacting on their ability to develop into confident, happy and healthy individuals. This is evident in the rising number of young people suffering from eating disorders or seeking plastic surgery, for example. Instead of being nurtured in a safe environment where they can truly flourish, young people are being infected by this poison.
It’s not just down to women, though, to be role models. As Wolf also recognised, men play one of the most significant parts in raising children, particularly young boys, to respect women. This is such an important aspect of tackling the issue. I have come into contact with many less than desirable males, who, quite frankly, would make anyone question their faith in humanity altogether. However, I also know many guys who are wonderful. I have quite a few close male friends, and I know how much they respect women. It can be so difficult for guys-especially younger males, given the whole ‘lad’ culture of today- to stand up to other men and tell them that what they’re doing is wrong. Those that have done, however, and continue to do so, will always have my respect.
On a personal level, I have learnt through my own trial and error how to avoid these traps and find contentment. I don’t criticise myself the way I used to, and I accept that sometimes I’m going to get things wrong. I don’t idealise the impossible or let what other people say get to me. I no longer look at my body and hate myself; I’m actually not only the heaviest I’ve ever been, but the happiest too.
So there you have it, my wise and wonderful darling sister, I hope this makes you happy too.
